Today is Patriot Day. It's the day we remember the victims of the 9/11/2011 terrorist attacks on United States soil. For many Americans, the images of the planes crashing into the Twin Towers is burned into our memories never to be erased.
But this post is not about that. This post is about PTSD. Many survivors of 9/11 and many brave men and women who fought to protect our freedom after the attacks, face PTSD. What some people don't know is that anyone who has faced a traumatic event can have PTSD.
In my case, my PTSD is also known as Rape Trauma Syndrome. I have been raped twice in my life. Once at age 16 and again at age 19. Two different assailants, but the same torture.
February 28, 2013, will mark the 10th anniversary of my first attack. Sometime near the end of August 2012 marked the 6th anniversary of my second attack. I blocked the date of the second attack from my mind, which is rare because I'm really good with dates.
There was a point when I couldn't even utter the "R" word. I was a prisoner in my own mind and body, but eventually I got past that with the help of Jesus, counseling, and friends.
For some reason, my PTSD is back and it has been back since about November 2011. It slowly crept back up with panic attacks, depression, flashbacks, mood swings, crying spells, angry outbursts, hypervigilance, trouble concentrating, and the need to run away from things that cause me stress.
When I think about it, my PTSD has actually reared it's head at other times in my life following my second recovery. It has shown up every time I've worked in a call center environment. It showed up during pregnancy, labor, and the first few months of Olivia's life.
A lot of people don't know my story, or my testimony as I like to call it. They assume that some of my quirky character traits are a result of me being crazy and/or mean. They don't understand that fear has paralyzed all of my adult life. They don't know that I don't remember how to enjoy extended moments of happiness. They don't know that I don't remember the things that used to bring me joy before February 28, 2003. They don't know that I can't keep friends because I'm easily offended and I feel like people are trying to intentionally hurt me. They don't know any of these things and they probably don't care to know.
These past 9.5 years have been a bit difficult for me, but I have been blessed abundantly despite everything. I have a wonderful husband who God created just for me. I have a beautiful, intelligent daughter who I vow to protect as long as I have breath in my body. I have a better relationship with my other family. I thank God for my blessings, but I'm ready to get this proverbial monkey off my back. So I know what I have to do.
My 26th birthday is only 3 days away, and I promise that my 26th year of life will be much better than my 25th. To God be the glory because I claim it in the name of Jesus.
