God always separates the real from the fake in his time. I'm learning that everyone isn't for me, and I need to stop mourning dead friendships.
When you get married, you start to lose your single friends. When you get pregnant, you start to lose your childless friends. When you get closer to God, you start to lose your friends who aren't about His business. In the past 2 years I've experienced all of these things.
Progress is a slow, hard process. Sometimes it hurts. It hurts so bad that you cry. It hurts so much that you may start to question yourself. But you must try to refrain from questioning God. He makes no mistakes and He knows what's best for you. He knows who belongs in your circle, and who doesn't deserve to be in your circle.
I know God is about to bless me abundantly. He has removed so many people from my life this year, and the year is only halfway over. I know there's so much more to come and at this point I don't know what to expect. Despite my natural fear of the unknown, I'm trying my best to walk in expectancy. I'm poised for a miracle, a breakthrough, a move of God. I know it's on the way because He keeps blessing me despite myself and despite my circumstances. So I will continue to stand on His promises.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Dear Parents
As a child I always dreamt of becoming a mother. I imagined that one day I would give birth to 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls. Since becoming an adult I've faced the reality that although I'm blessed to be a mother, there is no way I'd give birth to 4 children. Despite the number of children I would like to birth decreasing, there are still some parenting ideals I've held from the time I was a child myself. The following are some things I think all parents and prospective parents should seriously consider about having babies and raising kids:
1.) Your child didn't ask to be brought into this sin-cursed world, so you shouldn't treat them like they owe you something.
Honestly, you did your child no favor by giving birth to them. Think about the world we live in: it's filled with so much crime and many of them against children. I know so many people who were abused as young children, whether it was sexually, physically, mentally, or emotionally. Do you really think anyone would have chosen to be born into this world filled with so much pain and sorrow? I doubt it.
But as parents, you make the decision to make a baby and to give birth to that baby. There are plenty of ways to avoid becoming a parent and despite all the preventative measures available, many of us still become parents. Once the child gets here, it's your responsibility as a parent to take care of that child. You owe your child shelter, protection, provisions, love, education, so on and so forth. You are not doing your child a favor by providing food, electricity, a bed, clothes, money, or anything else they need for the 18 years or so they live under your roof. To the contrary, you actually owe your child that because of the decisions you made.
2.) Just because you brought a child into this world, it does not give you the right to take them out.
As a black woman, I've heard the saying, "I brought you into this world and I'll take you out," many times (thankfully not from my own parents). What type of effed up logic does it take to believe a statement like that? What type of sick person are you to think it's okay to threaten your child? I'd venture to say that if you think that way, you probably don't deserve children.
Please refer back to point 1: your child didn't ask to be here. So once again, you bringing them into this world was no favor to them. Your child didn't ask to experience a lifetime filled with ups and downs, joys and pain. Just because you found it necessary to give birth to them, it doesn't mean you can treat them any type of way. Just because a child may disobey you or do something contrary to your liking, it doesn't mean you have the right to beat them like a slave. You really don't have the right to put your hands on anybody. Although I grew up in a household that believed in spankings, and I even find spanking a necessary disciplinary measure in extreme cases, I will never think it's okay for anyone to put their hands to another person's face, neck, upper body, or the like. I find this especially true for parents.
When you put your hands on someone in an abusive manner, you are not only bringing physical pain to them, but emotional anguish and humiliation as well. As a parent who acts in this manner towards a child, I would even venture to say you're setting this child up for a future filled with abuse. Think about it, if a child's mother or father beats her in the face, chokes her out, spits on her, etc, why wouldn't that child grow up to think it's okay for her significant other to do the same thing. Oftentimes, a person's significant other provides some of the same things that a parent previously provided: food, shelter, money, clothes, shoes, and things like that. So if you are an abused child who grows up to be in an adult relationship and you disrespect or disobey your significant other, will that person not also have the right to beat you into submission and obedience?
As a parent, you wouldn't want to see your child abused by her significant other, but what can you really say if you treated the child in the same manner? You can't say jack squat because you're the person who raised that child to think it's okay for someone to put their hands on them and to demean them.
3.) If you are having a hard time raising your child, maybe you should ask for help.
I know there are some parents who do their best to raise their kids in a proper manner, and their kids will push them to their limit by being disobedient, defiant, and disrespectful. These parents may be at the point in which they don't know what to do or where to turn. They don't want to fail as parents, so they think going to extreme measures will bring their kids back in line. Parents are not perfect and raising kids, especially teens, can be very difficult, but sometimes as a parent you must be responsible enough to think like an adult. Most children don't have the mental capacity to think like an adult, so parents must step up to the plate and play their positions.
If your child is acting out to the point you won't to take drastic measures, you may want to investigate why your child is acting out. Kids don't know how to handle adult situations; I know from experience. If parents ask the right questions, instead of jumping into discipline mode they may find the underlying cause for their child's outlandish behavior. As a parent you may not be equipped to handle everything your child is going through. Despite what many of my black counterparts think, it's okay to turn to Jesus and counseling. You should never be ashamed to get your child or yourself professional help if you're faced with a situation that you cannot handle alone.
Despite what some people say, you can't beat everything out of a child or expect God to magically change the situation. God has placed people in different professions and positions to help us, and you must learn to take advantage of the help.
I won't sit up here and act like I'm an expert parent. I'm actually a very new parent in the grand scheme of things, but I do have over 25 years experience of being someone's child. Oftentimes I think back to the times when I was a teenager and my adult self realizes I could have handled things better and told my parents what was going on with me instead of acting out. My adult, new parent self also looks back from time to time and thinks that my parents could have asked me more questions to figure out what was going on with me, as well.
Most of you who will read this blog post, won't know my story. One day I may be able to share it with you, but today is not that day. Just know that I'm not trying to bash your parenting skills or call you an unfit parent. I'm just expressing my opinions based on my experiences. Peace,blessings, and happy parenting to all of you!
1.) Your child didn't ask to be brought into this sin-cursed world, so you shouldn't treat them like they owe you something.
Honestly, you did your child no favor by giving birth to them. Think about the world we live in: it's filled with so much crime and many of them against children. I know so many people who were abused as young children, whether it was sexually, physically, mentally, or emotionally. Do you really think anyone would have chosen to be born into this world filled with so much pain and sorrow? I doubt it.
But as parents, you make the decision to make a baby and to give birth to that baby. There are plenty of ways to avoid becoming a parent and despite all the preventative measures available, many of us still become parents. Once the child gets here, it's your responsibility as a parent to take care of that child. You owe your child shelter, protection, provisions, love, education, so on and so forth. You are not doing your child a favor by providing food, electricity, a bed, clothes, money, or anything else they need for the 18 years or so they live under your roof. To the contrary, you actually owe your child that because of the decisions you made.
2.) Just because you brought a child into this world, it does not give you the right to take them out.
As a black woman, I've heard the saying, "I brought you into this world and I'll take you out," many times (thankfully not from my own parents). What type of effed up logic does it take to believe a statement like that? What type of sick person are you to think it's okay to threaten your child? I'd venture to say that if you think that way, you probably don't deserve children.
Please refer back to point 1: your child didn't ask to be here. So once again, you bringing them into this world was no favor to them. Your child didn't ask to experience a lifetime filled with ups and downs, joys and pain. Just because you found it necessary to give birth to them, it doesn't mean you can treat them any type of way. Just because a child may disobey you or do something contrary to your liking, it doesn't mean you have the right to beat them like a slave. You really don't have the right to put your hands on anybody. Although I grew up in a household that believed in spankings, and I even find spanking a necessary disciplinary measure in extreme cases, I will never think it's okay for anyone to put their hands to another person's face, neck, upper body, or the like. I find this especially true for parents.
When you put your hands on someone in an abusive manner, you are not only bringing physical pain to them, but emotional anguish and humiliation as well. As a parent who acts in this manner towards a child, I would even venture to say you're setting this child up for a future filled with abuse. Think about it, if a child's mother or father beats her in the face, chokes her out, spits on her, etc, why wouldn't that child grow up to think it's okay for her significant other to do the same thing. Oftentimes, a person's significant other provides some of the same things that a parent previously provided: food, shelter, money, clothes, shoes, and things like that. So if you are an abused child who grows up to be in an adult relationship and you disrespect or disobey your significant other, will that person not also have the right to beat you into submission and obedience?
As a parent, you wouldn't want to see your child abused by her significant other, but what can you really say if you treated the child in the same manner? You can't say jack squat because you're the person who raised that child to think it's okay for someone to put their hands on them and to demean them.
3.) If you are having a hard time raising your child, maybe you should ask for help.
I know there are some parents who do their best to raise their kids in a proper manner, and their kids will push them to their limit by being disobedient, defiant, and disrespectful. These parents may be at the point in which they don't know what to do or where to turn. They don't want to fail as parents, so they think going to extreme measures will bring their kids back in line. Parents are not perfect and raising kids, especially teens, can be very difficult, but sometimes as a parent you must be responsible enough to think like an adult. Most children don't have the mental capacity to think like an adult, so parents must step up to the plate and play their positions.
If your child is acting out to the point you won't to take drastic measures, you may want to investigate why your child is acting out. Kids don't know how to handle adult situations; I know from experience. If parents ask the right questions, instead of jumping into discipline mode they may find the underlying cause for their child's outlandish behavior. As a parent you may not be equipped to handle everything your child is going through. Despite what many of my black counterparts think, it's okay to turn to Jesus and counseling. You should never be ashamed to get your child or yourself professional help if you're faced with a situation that you cannot handle alone.
Despite what some people say, you can't beat everything out of a child or expect God to magically change the situation. God has placed people in different professions and positions to help us, and you must learn to take advantage of the help.
I won't sit up here and act like I'm an expert parent. I'm actually a very new parent in the grand scheme of things, but I do have over 25 years experience of being someone's child. Oftentimes I think back to the times when I was a teenager and my adult self realizes I could have handled things better and told my parents what was going on with me instead of acting out. My adult, new parent self also looks back from time to time and thinks that my parents could have asked me more questions to figure out what was going on with me, as well.
Most of you who will read this blog post, won't know my story. One day I may be able to share it with you, but today is not that day. Just know that I'm not trying to bash your parenting skills or call you an unfit parent. I'm just expressing my opinions based on my experiences. Peace,blessings, and happy parenting to all of you!
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