10 Years

Do you remember where you were 10 years ago?

I remember, vividly.

Ten years ago I was 16 years old, around 5'3", and 94 lbs. I was on a field trip in Greensboro, NC. I thought I was having the time of my life, but it all changed so quickly.

See exactly 10 years ago today, I was raped for the first time in my life. That day I lost my virginity, my innocence, my self esteem, my self respect, my confidence, my joy, my happiness, my faith, and myself.

I spent years trying to get back everything that was stolen from me, especially myself. I wanted so badly to reclaim the person I was on February 27, 2003, for so long.

It took some time, but I now understand that I can't go back. I can't turn back the hands of time. I can't become the person I used to be. That person is dead and gone. That Shereka died. Do you know how it feels to be a ghost of you former self?

Thank God that is only part of my story. I like to think that my current self is a more refined and mature version of that former self. It took years for me to realize that I was no longer a ghost. It's almost like my soul found a new body when I became whole again.

I won't say that what happened 10 years ago made me a better person because initially it made me a much worse person. I had so much hatred in my heart for so many people back then. I think I hated myself the most.  But that's all in the past because every ounce of hatred has been replaced by so much love for life, people, and myself.

We all have skeletons in our closet. Every good person I know, has had something terrible happen to them. I want you to know that you can recover. You may not get everything back in the exact manner it was packaged before, but you will get exactly what you need to live again.

If you're a person of faith, you know the story of Job. Job didn't get back the exact things and people he lost, but he did get double for his trouble. I'm a living witness that life happens just like that.

In Philippians 4:13 the scripture says, " I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." If no one has ever told you, I want to tell you now that you can and you will do whatever your heart desires. 

In this life you must always remember that you were wonderfully and fearfully made just like David in Psalms 139:14, and you are more than a conqueror through Him that loves you (to paraphrase Romans 8:37).  You may have experienced some trials and setbacks, but God has already prepared you for your comeback. It's up to you to realize it and to push forward through the hurt and pain of the past.

This evening, at almost the exact time in which I was raped 10 years ago, I'll be sitting in my last training class at the Durham Crisis Response Center. Tonight, I will complete my training as a Faith Based Community Educator and I will keep pressing toward the mark for the prize of the high calling (Philippians 3:14).

My life has come full circle from 10 years ago. I know that tonight will not be the end because Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

I wonder where I'll be 10 years from now.