TGIF?

Today is Friday, but I'm not happy that it's the weekend. Not only is today Friday the 13th, but I was peed on this a.m. and vomited on 4 times. Wowzers, what a great day I'm having. *rolls eyes*

On top of all today's events, it's the last weekday I get to spend at home with my pretty little princess Olivia. Monday I start work and I just don't know how to feel about it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful that God allowed me to obtain the internship so that I can get the experience and graduate with my master's. But I already miss my sweet baby girl just thinking about working 40 hours a week. She means the world to me, and my life just won't be the same without spending all day every day with her. There's something about that big toothless grin and the way she pulls off my glasses to touch my face that I fell in love with. Nevertheless, I must go to work and finish this degree so that I can make the best life for her.

Lord, please give me the comfort and strength to go to work Monday.

4 month stats

My lil Baby O is getting bigger and smarter by the day. She had her 4 month checkup on April 19, and she impressed the doctor with her jumping skills and her ability to pull up to a sitting position from lying flat on her back.

Here were her stats on 4/19:
Weight: 11lbs 15oz (16th %)
Height: 23.5in (she shrunk or the lady didn't measure her correctly last time)
Head circumference: 16 inches (50th %)

Baby O just loves jumping, especially in her paw paw's arms. I think he's her favorite person although she doesn't get to see him or my mom often because they live 4 hours away. We spent Easter with them and Livy enjoyed every second of it. She loved the attention she got from all of my family and she loved seeing the new faces at church. But her paw paw made her trip the most worthwhile. They spent most of their time laughing at each other. She never laughs that hard with mommy lol.

Nowadays my little one spends most of her time jumping in her Bright Starts Activity Jumper, making loud cat sounds, trying to roll over (she rolled completely over from back to belly twice at 4:30 am at then end of March), biting Glowy, fighting Tate, gnawing on her fingers, playing with her feet, and kicking mommy and daddy. She also started solids: a little oatmeal cereal, bananas, and peas (as of today). I also introduced her to a sippy cup today. She likes holding it and biting the spout. I don't think she cares for sipping it yet because she kept making her stinky face whenever water would come out lol.

I'll leave you all with some of her 4 month pictures.

Blessings Come With Patience

I'm blessed to say that I'll be interning at Biogen Idec this summer!! Not only will I be gaining valuable HR experience, but a paycheck as well! God is so good!!

After interviewing with 3 HR managers yesterday, I knew that Biogen Idec was the right fit for me. Honestly, I wouldn't have been a good fit at Genworth and God didn't see it fit for me to work there.

Since I'll be working this summer, I'll also graduate in August! Hallelujah!!! I didn't know how I was going to pay for school and find a paid fall internship if things didn't work out this summer. I'm so thankful that I had enough faith to keep looking for an internship and refrain from registering for fall classes.

Remember to always keep the faith people. Blessings come to those who wait,.

I don't know what the future holds...

...but I do know who holds the future!

I've come to realize that I don't know what my future holds. Normally this would scare me because I'm a planner by nature. But I have a sweet, calm assurance that I know everything will be ok.

Some people may find it weird that I really don't know what career I really want in life. Shoot, I think it's a bit crazy myself. When I was in 3rd grade I wanted to be an architect. Then by middle school I wanted to be a broadcast journalist with dreams of working for CNN.

In undergrad I majored in mass communications with a journalism major -- not broadcasting. I decided then that I didn't want to be on the news. The summers after my sophomore and junior years of college I had public relations internships. Once again my focus had shifted. But by the time I quit (yes I said quit) the second internship, I realized that PR wasn't for me.

I tried out a couple different jobs between undergrad and grad school, and somehow I decided to go back to school for Human Resources. I thought a Master's in HR would give me plenty of choices when it came to choosing a career. Indeed it has, but I still don't know what's for me.

Am I afraid to have a real career? Does it scare me to be tied to a job for an extended period of time? Am I avoiding the inevitable? Sometimes I think the answer is yes to all of these questions.

Although I really don't know what I want to do or if I even want a career (lol), I still give my all to school and looking for jobs. But the real question is, will any job or career ever really satisfy me? Will I ever look forward to going to work? Or will work always be a means for me to collect a paycheck? Heck, will I ever even get a job?

Lately I've been thinking about a career in small event planning. I think it would be fun. I like helping people. I love planning! I think I find great money-saving tips and tricks. Planning things excites me. It's something I actually look forward to. If I had a job like that I don't think I would ever be dissatisfied. People always say that you should do what you love and then it won't feel like work. Planning events wouldn't feel like work to me, but I don't think it's a logical choice in this economy. And how the heck would I gain the trust of strangers to let me plan their events?

Maybe my head is too far in the clouds. Who knows?

All I know is that I'm looking forward to my future and I'm thanking God in advance for whatever he has instore for me!

Breathe Again

I've had to take many deep breaths since I found out I didn't get either of the internships at Genworth Financial. It's whatever though. What God has for me is for me. And God didn't have those internships for me. They were for other people.

I've picked myself up, dusted myself off, and applied to other internships. It took me a couple days because I really wasn't up to it, but there's no faith without action.

I must admit that I had a mini --ok major-- breakdown the other day. It's been a couple months since I've had one of those episodes. And I think I came to the realization that my post-partum depression isn't completely gone.

PPD is such a taboo subject that I don't really discuss it with people. No, I haven't had any thoughts of hurting my baby or myself. My PPD is more like post-partum anxiety. I've had many anxiety attacks since my daughter's birth. I've had unsettling feelings that other people can't take care of her the way I can or that she is in danger for no apparent reason. These feelings started before I was discharged from the hospital, and they've never been regular "baby blues."

I've talked to my doctor about them and he thinks that I just have a "touch" of PPD. The sad part is that I'm really not surprised that I ended up with PPD or PPA. I've suffered from anxiety attacks for almost 5 years. I've suffered from depression and PTSD before. I'm glad to say that I've always managed these roadblocks with much prayer, some counseling, and no medication. And I think I've done a darn good job handling it.

Despite my emotional hangups, I must admit that I'm ready to just breathe again. I'm tired of holding my breath aniticipating something bad will happen.

3 Months

I've been so busy with school, interviews, and taking care of my Livy that I haven't updated the blog lately.

Baby O is growing so much, and she's 3 months, 2 weeks old today. She's still full of personality and smiles. She makes new sounds like shrieks and roars. I call her my lil lioness when she roars and that makes her smile or giggle. She thinks she can sit up by herself and actually lasted 2 seconds yesterday. She loves standing, jumping, and kicking. She hates tummy time again, but we battle through it a few times a day. My itty bitty baby is also teething. She gnaws on her hands till she gags, and she doesn't care for her teethers. The biggest development is that we no longer co-sleep. She actually sleeps in the bassinet part of her pack n play. Hopefully she'll start sleeping in her crib in her own room next month *fingers crossed*.

There aren't any stats updates because she doesn't go back to the doctor till 4 months. But I do have pictures!

Unsolicited Parenting Advice

When people found out I was pregnant, all sorts of advice started pouring in. It didn't matter if I was working, shopping, or just talking to my mama on the phone. Everybody had something to say about my pregnancy.

Once I gave birth to my little princess, the advice increased by like 1000%. For some odd reason people always got something to say about how you raise your baby. I know people are just trying to be helpful, but for a new mother experiencing baby blues or even post partum depression, sometimes other people should keep their judgmental opinions to themselves.

Whenever someone gives me their 2 cents, I usually just suck it up, listen, and change the subject. Afterwards I complain to my dear hubby about how everyone gets on my nerves. A couple times I cried lol.

Now that I'm 11 weeks into parenthood, I feel like I've become that person wanting to give unsolicited parenting advice. I have this internal battle within myself all the time when lurking on The Bump or even looking over my facebook friends' posts. Do I give them my 2 cents? Do I keep my mouth shut?

I've decided to try hard to only give my opinion when someone is asking for it. When the person isn't asking for an opinion I'll just post it on my blog. It's the compromise I had to work out because I don't know how to bite my tongue sometimes and I don't want to offend anyone on a public forum.

So here are some of my parenting pet peeves/ unsolicited parenting advice:

• Why in the world would you put your infant in a front facing car seat? The law in NC (I can't speak for other states) is that a child should be rear-facing until they are 1 year old AND 20 lbs. Just because your child has outgrown the infant carrier, doesn't mean you should buy them a big kid seat. They make rear-facing convertibles for a reason. And if you wreck your child could get severely injured aka internal decapitation. Shoot your child could get severely injured when they're old enough to legally face forward, but you should at least follow the freaking law.
• Please don't place your sleeping infant in a crib, pack n play, bassinet, or other sleeping arrangement with a bunch of loose blankets, stuffed animals, pillows, plush decorations, etc. Do you not understand that babies can move? Even if the child can't roll over or crawl yet, a baby's arms and legs are very active. Swaddling may help, but what if they break out of the swaddle? Do you want your child to suffocate? I'm sorry, but having all that suff around your baby just looks like a death trap to me.
• What made you think leaving your infant in a diaper for 12 hours is ok? I know the box says "up to 12 hours," but would you want to wallow in your piss for 12 hours? I can understand if your child actually sleeps 12 straight hours and you don't want to wake a sleeping baby, but if the child wakes up to eat why can't you get off your lazy butt and change his or her diaper? Shoot, when elderly people are left in their diapers for half a day, that's grounds for elder abuse. Why wouldn't it be the same for a baby? Aren't you scared that your child may develop a diaper rash that could have been prevented if you weren't so lazy? And what about the chemicals that are present in diapers? Sometimes that gel stuff in disposables come out when the diaper is soaked, and no one really knows if that stuff is safe. Do you want that crap on your baby? My bad, you probably don't care because if you'll leave your child in pee for 12 hours, you can't give a flying flip if something else gets on them for a few minutes.

Whew, that was cathartic!! lol