It's crazy how you can lose yourself for over 9 years due to your circumstances and unfortunate things that happened in your life. I'm so happy to be back to my old self. I missed the happy, vibrant, silly, exuberant, and confident Shereka.
I don't ever want to lose myself again. The difference between now and when I lost myself, is that now I realize that I have a power on the inside of me that is so much stronger than any force that comes to attack me from the outside.
See in this game of life you must play the cards you've been dealt. If you allow your sorry hand to dictate your game plan, you're screwed.
I refuse to be screwed again, and I refuse to lose my joy again.
I used to be so apprehensive about the unknown and the future, but now I'm ready to step into my destiny. No matter what happens, I know something good will come from my life's work.
Now that the real me is back, I'm actually able to dream again. I have goals again. I want to change the world. I want to advocate for survivors. I want to motivate others. I want to be a true inspiration. I want people to see the God in me. I want to spread Christ's love. Not only do I want to do these things, but I will do these things.
It feels so good to be back and I'm ready to get things started. As the saying goes, watch me work!!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Graduation
Today I graduated from therapy. I could have said I had my last session, but saying I graduated sounds better.
I went into my therapist's office today without even knowing it would be my last time seeing her. After our usual check-in, she told me she was proud of me and that I would make an excellent advocate for domestic violence and sexual assault victims. She said that I seem like a totally different person than a month ago and it's nice to see me smile. She made me promise her that I would give her a call after I talked to my first group about domestic violence and/or sexual assault awareness.
I called my favorite cousin after my visit (since my husband was at work), and she said something that made a ton of sense: Most people stay in therapy so long because they don't acknowledge that they have a problem.
Before I started therapy, I knew that their was something broken inside of me, and I started therapy in expectation that God could work through my therapist to help me find my healing. I'm blessed beyond measure because I know I'm healed now. I am so grateful to God and so many people who have helped me in this journey to becoming a better, happier, more positive Shereka. I have the best Savior, family, friends, facebook friends, and therapist in the world.
I'll end this post with my favorite lyrics from the song, Broken But I'm Healed by Byron Cage:
God can heal, He can deliver.
He can mend your brokenness.
He has a miracle to fit your needs,
Once you trust Him, you will receive.
God knows about your situation,
But with every test and every trial there is revelation,
That God is able to supply every one of your needs;
He's here to touch you, heal you, He'll set you free.
I went into my therapist's office today without even knowing it would be my last time seeing her. After our usual check-in, she told me she was proud of me and that I would make an excellent advocate for domestic violence and sexual assault victims. She said that I seem like a totally different person than a month ago and it's nice to see me smile. She made me promise her that I would give her a call after I talked to my first group about domestic violence and/or sexual assault awareness.
I called my favorite cousin after my visit (since my husband was at work), and she said something that made a ton of sense: Most people stay in therapy so long because they don't acknowledge that they have a problem.
Before I started therapy, I knew that their was something broken inside of me, and I started therapy in expectation that God could work through my therapist to help me find my healing. I'm blessed beyond measure because I know I'm healed now. I am so grateful to God and so many people who have helped me in this journey to becoming a better, happier, more positive Shereka. I have the best Savior, family, friends, facebook friends, and therapist in the world.
I'll end this post with my favorite lyrics from the song, Broken But I'm Healed by Byron Cage:
God can heal, He can deliver.
He can mend your brokenness.
He has a miracle to fit your needs,
Once you trust Him, you will receive.
God knows about your situation,
But with every test and every trial there is revelation,
That God is able to supply every one of your needs;
He's here to touch you, heal you, He'll set you free.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Life Changes
Recently I have changed my mindset, which has changed my life.
I decided to change my negative perspective on life, which was inspired by therapy, my spiritual breakthrough, and some very good friends. A month or so ago, I never really understood how negative thoughts, had negative consequences on my life. Whenever you allow your mind to be overwhelmed by negativity, you only hurt yourself, and I can honestly say that was the reason for a majority of my anxiety and depression.
Now, I'm trying to see the positivity in everything. I won't lie and say it's easy because it's not easy at all. It is getting easier as time progresses, though.
I'm very excited about all of the changes that are taking place in my life now, instead of being apprehensive about any and everything that happens. For once I'm not even expecting the worst from all of the changes. Some of the very big changes taking place before the end of 2012 for my family and me include: my husband is turning 30, we're moving to a house in the country, and my daughter is turning 2! How awesome is that?!?!?!?!
The moral of this post is change your mind and you'll change your life.
I decided to change my negative perspective on life, which was inspired by therapy, my spiritual breakthrough, and some very good friends. A month or so ago, I never really understood how negative thoughts, had negative consequences on my life. Whenever you allow your mind to be overwhelmed by negativity, you only hurt yourself, and I can honestly say that was the reason for a majority of my anxiety and depression.
Now, I'm trying to see the positivity in everything. I won't lie and say it's easy because it's not easy at all. It is getting easier as time progresses, though.
I'm very excited about all of the changes that are taking place in my life now, instead of being apprehensive about any and everything that happens. For once I'm not even expecting the worst from all of the changes. Some of the very big changes taking place before the end of 2012 for my family and me include: my husband is turning 30, we're moving to a house in the country, and my daughter is turning 2! How awesome is that?!?!?!?!
The moral of this post is change your mind and you'll change your life.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
My Breakthrough
On September 11th, I wrote about my struggles with PTSD after being raped twice. I received a lot of feedback from that post and it was mostly positive. I won't dwell on the negativity because I'm trying to change my negative view on life to a positive outlook.
Since my last post, I've started therapy. I'm not ashamed to admit that and I'm happy to be doing the work needed, so that my faith doesn't die. ("Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead." - James 2:17 NIV)
Once I started therapy I was not only diagnosed with PTSD, but clinical depression as well. A few days after that diagnosis, my temporary job ended. If I were the person I used to be, the lay-off would have sent me over the edge or deeper into depression.
I was in such a vulnerable and low state on September 11th, but now I'm bouncing back. What changed? How did I become so resilient in such a short period of time? I had a spiritual breakthrough.
Now, you may be wondering what a spiritual breakthrough is. I wondered the same thing when I was trying to define what happened to me and with my trusty tool, Google, I was able to find an answer.
The rut I experienced had kept me from experiencing joy, peace, and happiness for over 9 years. When I wrote that blog post last month, that's when I made my choice to come of out that rut. At that time I didn't even know that was a part of my breakthrough.
Truth be told, I didn't realize I had experienced a spiritual breakthrough until yesterday when I ran across the notebook in which I had written down what that 2nd perpetrator had done to me on August 22nd and 23rd, 2006. I had blocked out so many of the details of that tragic time in my life that I didn't even remember that the dude I was dating at that time raped me more than once. I didn't realize that the things he said and did to me were actually domestic violence until I read the account yesterday.
I have read my story over 10 times since finding that notebook yesterday and I have not shed one tear. I have not allowed myself to play the victim role. I am a survivor of sexual assault and domestic violence, and I am not ashamed. I will allow God to use me the way he sees fit to spread awareness of these two societal ills until I die.
I thank God for his plan for my life. It was never my plan to blog about my experiences or to even go back to therapy. But I'm so thankful that I had my spiritual breakthrough. Now I'm learning to change the negative thoughts that have controlled my mind for so many years into positive ones, and my therapist calls this cognitive-behavior therapy. Some people of faith may call this speaking life into my situations. Either way, it's already working and I'm ecstatic.
I pray that this post will have the same impact as my last post. Thanks for reading!
Since my last post, I've started therapy. I'm not ashamed to admit that and I'm happy to be doing the work needed, so that my faith doesn't die. ("Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead." - James 2:17 NIV)
Once I started therapy I was not only diagnosed with PTSD, but clinical depression as well. A few days after that diagnosis, my temporary job ended. If I were the person I used to be, the lay-off would have sent me over the edge or deeper into depression.
I was in such a vulnerable and low state on September 11th, but now I'm bouncing back. What changed? How did I become so resilient in such a short period of time? I had a spiritual breakthrough.
Now, you may be wondering what a spiritual breakthrough is. I wondered the same thing when I was trying to define what happened to me and with my trusty tool, Google, I was able to find an answer.
The rut I experienced had kept me from experiencing joy, peace, and happiness for over 9 years. When I wrote that blog post last month, that's when I made my choice to come of out that rut. At that time I didn't even know that was a part of my breakthrough.
Truth be told, I didn't realize I had experienced a spiritual breakthrough until yesterday when I ran across the notebook in which I had written down what that 2nd perpetrator had done to me on August 22nd and 23rd, 2006. I had blocked out so many of the details of that tragic time in my life that I didn't even remember that the dude I was dating at that time raped me more than once. I didn't realize that the things he said and did to me were actually domestic violence until I read the account yesterday.
I have read my story over 10 times since finding that notebook yesterday and I have not shed one tear. I have not allowed myself to play the victim role. I am a survivor of sexual assault and domestic violence, and I am not ashamed. I will allow God to use me the way he sees fit to spread awareness of these two societal ills until I die.
I thank God for his plan for my life. It was never my plan to blog about my experiences or to even go back to therapy. But I'm so thankful that I had my spiritual breakthrough. Now I'm learning to change the negative thoughts that have controlled my mind for so many years into positive ones, and my therapist calls this cognitive-behavior therapy. Some people of faith may call this speaking life into my situations. Either way, it's already working and I'm ecstatic.
I pray that this post will have the same impact as my last post. Thanks for reading!
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