My Breakthrough

On September 11th, I wrote about my struggles with PTSD after being raped twice. I received a lot of feedback from that post and it was mostly positive. I won't dwell on the negativity because I'm trying to change my negative view on life to a positive outlook.

Since my last post, I've started therapy. I'm not ashamed to admit that and I'm happy to be doing the work needed, so that my faith doesn't die.  ("Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead." - James 2:17 NIV)

Once I started therapy I was not only diagnosed with PTSD, but clinical depression as well. A few days after that diagnosis, my temporary job ended. If I were the person I used to be, the lay-off would have sent me over the edge or deeper into depression.

I was in such a vulnerable and low state on September 11th, but now I'm bouncing back. What changed? How did I become so resilient in such a short period of time? I had a spiritual breakthrough.

Now, you may be wondering what a spiritual breakthrough is. I wondered the same thing when I was trying to define what happened to me and with my trusty tool, Google, I was able to find an answer.
  
"A spiritual breakthrough is a choice that comes out of my desire to get out of a rut in my life with God’s help and through God’s plan." - Jim Kane

The rut I experienced had  kept me from experiencing joy, peace, and happiness for over 9 years. When I wrote that blog post last month, that's when I made my choice to come of out that rut. At that time I didn't even know that was a part of my breakthrough.

Truth be told, I didn't realize I had experienced a spiritual breakthrough until yesterday when I ran across the notebook in which I had written down what that 2nd perpetrator had done to me on August 22nd and 23rd, 2006. I had blocked out so many of the details of that tragic time in my life that I didn't even remember that the dude I was dating at that time raped me more than once. I didn't realize that the things he said and did to me were actually domestic violence until I read the account yesterday.

I have read my story over 10 times since finding that notebook yesterday and I have not shed one tear. I have not allowed myself to play the victim role. I am a survivor of sexual assault and domestic violence, and I am not ashamed. I will allow God to use me the way he sees fit to spread awareness of these two societal ills until I die.

I thank God for his plan for my life. It was never my plan to blog about my experiences or to even go back to therapy. But I'm so thankful that I had my spiritual breakthrough. Now I'm learning to change the negative thoughts that have controlled my mind for so many years into positive ones, and my therapist calls this cognitive-behavior therapy. Some people of faith may call this speaking life into my situations. Either way, it's already working and I'm ecstatic.

I pray that this post will have the same impact as my last post. Thanks for reading!